I have a theory on virginity; specifically, male virginity.
I don’t entirely know how this happened, although given my interests I figure it was bound to happen, but I know/have known a good number of male virgins. Based on years of research in the field, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a window for guys wherein, if they don’t pop their cherry at a particular time, things go awry in one way or another.
If a guy loses it too soon, they run the risk of not being interesting; why bother learning how to be funny, charming, or smart if you’ve already reached the end-goal of why you need to be funny, charming, or smart in the first place? I think a lot of makes you an interesting human has to do with struggling a bit when you’re younger.
Losing your virginity early in life, however, isn’t as fruitful a study as investigating and observing those who lose it later in life, or not at all. The m in this post claims to be a 27 year-old virgin. This may work in his favor as I suspect 27 is the absolute cut-off point for a guy to laid (although I think the window is more like 24-26, and even then it’s a crap shoot) because there’s a point in a guy’s life when, if they haven’t had sex yet, they shouldn’t bother trying to have it at all.
Look at it this way: if you didn’t lose it at the end of high school when you had a little more opportunity and you didn’t lose it in college when you had a lot more opportunities and you didn’t lose it after college when you have the freedom to do whatever and whomever you want, you, virgins, basically missed out on the most formative years of your life. Everyone else got the awkwardness of learning how to engage with another person on a (potentially) romantic level and be naked in front of another person out of the way, but not you. Now you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and you and everyone you know know you’re a virgin. It becomes a defining aspect of your personality; somehow people can sense it.
So of course you want to lose it, but because you have the attitude of a virgin (and everyone virgin I know seems to have the mentality of a tweenage girl about it) you can’t just go to a bar, get drunk, and pretend you’re not a virgin (apropos of this: are all older male virgins afraid of having bad first-time sex? This really seems to be the case), you need to post shit on craigslist and find someone with whom you have ”a decent mutual attraction”.
But you see, even if all these pieces fall into place for our 27 year old virgins, they run the risk of having their first—and all subsequent—sexual experience be negated by the fact that they’ve been virgins for so long that they can’t shake their own virginity. They still act like and have the same attitudes as virgins no matter how many how many holes their penises enter.
I call it “perpetual virginity”.